A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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