Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
