i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize