If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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