how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
