feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
