Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what day is it and did you see me today?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
