Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
