You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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