Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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