so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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