Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sponge bath it is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
