Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
