dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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