A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
