it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
