My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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