Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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