i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
