Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am one with the molecules
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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