fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
