Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your penis caused this!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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