Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
