Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
