Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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