I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
