Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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