Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
