We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
