How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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