Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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