I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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