My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
