dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
