What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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