no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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