Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
