then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
