I've blown a few things in my day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
