apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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