We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
