We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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