A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
