Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
