Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
