I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
