everyone is single if you try hard enough
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
