This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
