You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
