I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
