Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
