is your mom at the bar?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
