my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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