shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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