Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
