Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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