What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
