Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
