he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.