Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.