Christians are straight up FREAKS
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"