My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.