I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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