the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
