Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
